a good day

today had a nice turnaround.

I just didn't feel like worshipping today. Went to service, couldn't get myself to get into the worship (even though it was really good today). Grinded thru the sermon. Had lunch by myself. The whole time, tho, trying to keep persepctive. Worship service did help me do that - that God sees, even when I don't see Him.

Then came the turnaround.

Driving alone afterward down Los Robles, I found the scenery to be beautiful - bright sunlight bringing out the greens & yellows in the trees lining these quaint houses.

Turns out the place I chose to eat at (a random hamburger joint) was showing the NFL playoff game so I got to see some of that before going to small group. Pleasant surprise after having forgotten that the games would be today.

Then small group - this was the real blessing. Singing here was better for me. It just felt good to sing praises in a small group. And as we shared & caught up, I heard amazing and normal stories of people's 'winter breaks'.

A man from Nigeria, going home and having special time w/ his wife (special becuase he's here getting trained in theology while she's back there w/ 4 kids), reconciling w/ his eldest kid, speaking to the village about superstitions and affecting change in policies to stop 'witch hunting', getting to see the village chief (who is Muslim) recongnize the good work the church is doing and authorizing a bridge to be built for people to cross safely over a river.

Another family who did a 6000 mile roadtrip w/ the whole family. Had a tire bust on them in the midwest. Frustrating, had to get AAA to tow them on a truck. But found out that this helped them to avoid that crazy snow storm out there. The next day, they saw all these cars either stranded, buried, or in accidents. This would/could have been them had they not been stopped for the nite.

I need to thank God for putting me in this circle of special, normal people. Originally, I was tempted to say that I enjoy hearing these stories, these testimonies, because they tell me that God is still doing things at least in other people's lives. That He is active and that His deeds affect real life - despite my functional atheism.

Most of that is correct, but I think I need to realize that God is not just active in other's lives, but that He is in mine as well - I just need to see and appreciate it. So I think it may be more accurate to say that this small group helps me to see life as they see it, thru the eyes of faith. Assuming a loving, trustworthy, and able God behind the 'interruptions' in life.

Then, I got to drop by Sung & Kathy's place and have dinner w/ his whole family - Sung, Kathy, his brother Tommy and his wife, Christine, and Sung & Tommy's parents. Good to just catch up w/ old friends and laugh around the dinner table about whatever. [Food was amazing! Sung just got a smoker and had prepared one beef and one pork roast. De-licious!]

Lastly, tonite, I got an email telling me a good friend of mine is engaged! I don't want to say who it is because I don't know if they want it public yet or not, but it was a wonderful nitecap to a day that started out miserable, but has turned out to be quite beautiful and fulfilling. Congratulations, brother! So when's the big day gonna be?! =)

So to practice 'seeing' like my friends do, I must say, God must have heard my prayer during/after worship service. It wasn't even a clear, verbal prayer; more of the "groanings & utterings" from the heart, but the Holy Spirit knew what I needed, and God provided. Thank you, Jesus.

feeling good about 30!

random new fact I learned at Abnormal Psych today.

Turns out that if you haven't had any signs of schizophrenia by the time you're 30 years old, you're most likely not to get it.

So hey, there's one more good thing about turning 30! (for any of you out there about to make the transition, haha)

new school & blessing

some quick notes and one longer one for the most hectic day in a long time:

To summarize, I switched colleges, did some tutoring, got another job, and had a really blessed time of worship driving in between at one stretch. the most exciting, rapid-fire decision-making day I've had in a long time. It was exciting!

1. So yeah, totally switched schools today - couldn't break thru the red tape at San Bernardino Valley College to let me take an Abnormal Psych class, got recommended by the only cool staff person there to check out Chaffey College (which, I found out is even closer to my house), and found out that they allow for audits and got into their Abnormal Psych class! The timing was perfect. A little hurried, but perfect.

2. Tutored a kid in some math today. Great kid; felt really good to help him out. I really like seeing people succeed and feeling good about themselves.

3. Got a call in the morning from my cousin about a potential job opportunity, teaching at a Korean SAT school where her friend teaches and where she used to teach. Made an appt for the eve, met the owner and got hired right there. Funny thing is, at one point, the owner asks me "So, when did you graduate?...from college?" I answer "1995" and they were like shocked!! They totally thought I was my cousin's YOUNGER cousin. Argh! Maybe it was the way I was dressed, don't know. But I'm like 7 years older than my cousin! Awesome.

4. Last one's a bit longer:

So after leaving the new college and being excited that I had finally nailed down the opportunity to take an Abnormal Psych class after battling so hard for about a week, I could almost literally feel my heart sink for some reason. This pessimism started creeping back in that Psych was not going to do it for me (despite almost everyone I know telling me that they think that this is what I was meant to do!)

And I caught myself (again) trying to satisfy the hunger of my soul's need for meaning w/ this career, or rather, at this point, simply the prospect of this career. And I prayed to God that somehow I could "aim" this hunger toward him somehow, I could sense that trying to take the subject of Psych and have it satisfy my soul would both ruin Psych for me as well as leave me wanting.

As I sought this change in aim, the most remarkeable thing happened. My heart sort of swelled up. It's hard to explain - in some measure, the physical part of the feeling stayed the same, but the tone of it had changed. Now, instead of hunger, it was...longing...overflow, something along those lines. Something that I started to realize, could only find fulfillment in worship. Not necessarily in song or liturgy (though those would certainly do), but more to the point, praise.

Suddenly, for a moment, the sky looked more beautiful, the traffic on the 15 less bothersome. I was, I think perhaps, for a few seconds anyways, basking in the love and glory of God. It was wonderful, to say the least.

back to school

yup, tomorrow, I start my junior college stint at San Bernardino Valley College, baby! I'm so curious what it's gonna be like. I dropped by the other day to buy books and it felt so familiar, walking thru the book store, looking up class sections, paying ridiculous amounts of money for used books...

I'm most curious about what the other students will be like. From the little I saw, mostly minorities and younger people...so I should fit right in! muhahahaa Yeah, here and there I'd see a random old person.

Sunday service, esp the message, was a solid blessing for me. Something I really needed to hear. God is sovereign, God is good, so we can trust Him. Like Joseph in the pit as his brothers sell him off to slavery, I'm in my pit, asking for salvation (the temporal kind, not the eternal one), not getting it, and wondering where God is and if He's listening.

He is, He's just got a different, wiser, broader plan than I do. The way pastor Ron put it, "He didn't save him, in order to save him. Did ya get that?" It took me a minute, but I did, and it ministered to me.

More later on what going to a JC as a 32yr old is like...

[Jaepil - sorry for not picking up - I switched over to your call, but I was a fraction too late! Sorry! Call me again! (tho now that I'll be in classes and then in the evenings, tutoring, I'll have my phone off more often. if it's off, then just leave a message; if it's on & I don't pick up - call back after a couple of minutes, I'll promise I'll pick up!)]