Just starting this out. I'd like to keep in touch with friends and express my thoughts (for anyone who's interested anyways). Hey, a journal that's online & updateable - pretty cool!
It's kinda funny what I've posted as "a little bit about myself" - this verse & the quote aren't quite me yet, but it's an expression of where I'd like to be - running freely just like the guy in Chariots of Fire (Eric Liddel?), exhilarated as he feels God's pleasure (indeed, exhilarated because of God's pleasure?); like the knight, on a mission, but having a good time along the way.
Ah, these are not me yet, but I want to take steps in that direction.
In the meantime, I want to share my thoughts and feelings with you, my friends. Keep you up on how and what I'm up to as I nomad about. I started this thing like a month ago, but I haven't told anyone about it. Even making this thing is a big step for me. Just like dancing and wearing clothes that fit me (instead of oversized stuff), I'm having to step over my own insecurities to do something I like and that shows more of who I really am. I like writing, I like telling my friends what I'm up to and what I'm thinking. But I'm also over-analytical, hard on myself, and deeply afraid that I'm not interesting or that my friends aren't *really* interested in me. I've come to see that this last concern is actually offensive to anyone who would call him/herself my friend, but in the spiritual warfare of things, I've become really weak in that area. And so it is in weak faith and nervous trust that I want to start writing about myself and my journey. I'm going to write and quote whatever I feel like (there's probably going to be alot of songs quoted) and ramble and over think to my heart's content. And those that really minister to me, I know, wouldn't want it any other way.
Originally at this point, I was going to write that "they have me convinced that they really like me; that I have good things to say". But I felt like someone on stage, giving a soliloqy, talking about my friends in the third person. I paused for a moment, and realized rather that *you* are my audience - you have me convinced that I am liked and that I have interesting things to say. (heh heh, now that I think about it of course, you're my audience because you're the only one's I will have emailed to). But yeah, rather than write to my 'demons', I want to write to my supporters. Rather than write to myself, I want to write to my companions. Unlike my written journal, this journal will have readers. Who knows, sometimes I might just dump, sometimes I might get on my soap box, sometimes I might just 'sing' (since I can't really right now cuz of my voice - which is getting better, btw). At times it may read like a conversation, at other times it may read like some devotional, and others...like a journal. In any case, I'm gonna try to not worry about my effect so much as my own expression. If you're reading this, it's because I believe you'll love me no matter what I do or go through. That you'll rejoice together with me when things go well, mourn with me when things are tough, and speak the word of truth in love if I should wander too far. This will be a log of my journey to live out the life God has given to me in a way He would want me to, and a place where I can feel the communion of your friendship.
It's kinda funny what I've posted as "a little bit about myself" - this verse & the quote aren't quite me yet, but it's an expression of where I'd like to be - running freely just like the guy in Chariots of Fire (Eric Liddel?), exhilarated as he feels God's pleasure (indeed, exhilarated because of God's pleasure?); like the knight, on a mission, but having a good time along the way.
Ah, these are not me yet, but I want to take steps in that direction.
In the meantime, I want to share my thoughts and feelings with you, my friends. Keep you up on how and what I'm up to as I nomad about. I started this thing like a month ago, but I haven't told anyone about it. Even making this thing is a big step for me. Just like dancing and wearing clothes that fit me (instead of oversized stuff), I'm having to step over my own insecurities to do something I like and that shows more of who I really am. I like writing, I like telling my friends what I'm up to and what I'm thinking. But I'm also over-analytical, hard on myself, and deeply afraid that I'm not interesting or that my friends aren't *really* interested in me. I've come to see that this last concern is actually offensive to anyone who would call him/herself my friend, but in the spiritual warfare of things, I've become really weak in that area. And so it is in weak faith and nervous trust that I want to start writing about myself and my journey. I'm going to write and quote whatever I feel like (there's probably going to be alot of songs quoted) and ramble and over think to my heart's content. And those that really minister to me, I know, wouldn't want it any other way.
Originally at this point, I was going to write that "they have me convinced that they really like me; that I have good things to say". But I felt like someone on stage, giving a soliloqy, talking about my friends in the third person. I paused for a moment, and realized rather that *you* are my audience - you have me convinced that I am liked and that I have interesting things to say. (heh heh, now that I think about it of course, you're my audience because you're the only one's I will have emailed to). But yeah, rather than write to my 'demons', I want to write to my supporters. Rather than write to myself, I want to write to my companions. Unlike my written journal, this journal will have readers. Who knows, sometimes I might just dump, sometimes I might get on my soap box, sometimes I might just 'sing' (since I can't really right now cuz of my voice - which is getting better, btw). At times it may read like a conversation, at other times it may read like some devotional, and others...like a journal. In any case, I'm gonna try to not worry about my effect so much as my own expression. If you're reading this, it's because I believe you'll love me no matter what I do or go through. That you'll rejoice together with me when things go well, mourn with me when things are tough, and speak the word of truth in love if I should wander too far. This will be a log of my journey to live out the life God has given to me in a way He would want me to, and a place where I can feel the communion of your friendship.
