Just got back from a very full day & weekend. Flew up from SoCal where I had spent most of the weekend being involved with Sung Lee's wedding. Got to be a groomsman for my first roommate out of college. It was great to see him sooo happy and having such a good time. I learned to relax a little and have fun, too. You know, I'm getting to where I really enjoy dancing! I'm not totally comfortable yet, but I'm losing inhibition.

Ok, time to get self-absorbed & talk about myself. I figure that's okay. I could go on and on about Sung, his new sister-in-law with 5 kids (yes, FIVE!), his new wife Kathy, running into old friends from New Jersey, San Diego...

But there's something that God just seems to be throwing into my face lately and I can't deny it. It's coming from so many fronts & sources and has so much affirmation from within that it is undeniably the work of God. (Besides, that's why my friends read this, right? to hear about me!) =)

So yeah, I had decided ahead of time to relax and just have fun at this wedding. To be fully THERE and enjoy the moments. And I did! And it was great. here's why:

I don't remember the exact chronological order, but here's what God's been sending my way:

- counseling I've been going to has been trying to get me to live day to day, moment by moment, trusting in the grace of God to make me fruitful - not trying to "make it happen", or worry that it won't, but to BELIEVE

- a good, good friend Phil Kim (DK) and his girlfriend Jessica visited a couple of weekends ago for Phil's 5 year Stanford reuinion (we had a good laugh, joking about the differences between a private school & public); going to sleep, we were catching up and he asked how I was doing. I gave my customary answer of "trying to figure things out" and he kindly noted that I'm always "looking to the next big thing" and that sometimes it'd be good to enjoy life; to be proud of the things I've done.

- A book I'm reading Happiness is a Choice by Minirth & Meier, had this to say in a chapter entitled "Do 'Nice Guys' Finish Last?":

Out of all the various personality types in our culture, there is one type that is more likely than any other to get depressed at some time in life. That type is the "nice guy" - the person who is self-sacrificing, overly conscientious, overdutiful, hard-working, and frequently quite religious. [...type A explanation...] Lawyers, musicians, engineers, architects, dentitsts, computer programmers and other professionals in general tend to have many obsessive-compulsive traits.

I literally laughed out loud when I read "computer programmers". You know, you just don't see that listed in readings too often. The book goes on to list these traits of this obsessive-compulsive person and I identified with many of them. But the most striking were the inability to relax, the need to intellectually know everything, and the planning and saving for a tomorrow that never comes - basically, living in the future & trying to make it secure (and not being able to!).

- Seeing many of these traits in my mom and realizing how much of that has been passed on to me. This slowly started dawning on me as I recalled what the sore points have been between us and what frustrated me about my childhood. (let me note here tho that I love my mom more now than ever. oddly enough, realizing this about her and me has me caring for her more now than ever before - i guess it's because I see now how I feel her frustrations living like this and wanting her to enjoy life more as well)

- Visiting my cousin's family (his own wife & 2 kids, and my aunt & uncle) and having a great time - laughing about life & how my mom worries. I'm so glad my mom has Godly, vibrant, vivacious sisters who encourage her not to worry and that having her kids go thru these midlife crises are actually a good thing! =) haha She told me that she told my mom to "enjoy your own life! stop saving for later! later will never come and you'll never do what you wanted to do! let your kids worry about their lives - it's a good thing" - I was thinking "I need to listen to that, too!"

there's probably some other things, too - but these have been the standout ones. Yup. Gotta take care of the future & plan; but gotta live today, too!

Interwoven theme thru all of this is the importance of community and family. Friends & care are so important and fulfulling - you really don't know what you have till it's been gone for awhile.

Haven't had a 'heavy' blog like this in awhile. It's funny. A friend's blog notes how she feels she is too serious on her blog and not 'lighthearted' or funny enough. But I think if you hang out with her, one would find her very funny and lighthearted (of course, tho not without the ability to converse about weighy matters). For me, I feel like I'm generally too serious, and lately (before today), the blog has been my place to try 'relaxing' and just keep it light. haha so much for that.

Time to bring back comments about the Lakers, baby! =)
Actually, time to sleep - I'm delirious!
It was a good,full day.
Hugged & kissed my mom good bye.
Shook my dad's hand as he dropped me off.
Flew out of SoCal (despite the crazy forest fires)
Came to work
Played a game of basketball (and won!)
Had some great Chinese food with bball friends
Came home to see my roomies
Took a warm shower & going to sleep nice & tired.
thanks be to God!
good night,everyone.

Fishing was awesome! soooo fun; not to mention bringing back fresh sashimi - yellowtail & skipjack tuna. I had no idea a few fish could turn into so much! My 4 yellowtail & 5 or 6 skipjack turned into like 20+ pounds of sashimi! Gave a bunch to Alice & Eugene. Wonderful. Yellowtail is as beautiful to behold as it is tasty to eat. Somehow I knew my favorite fish would be appealing. I'll have to upload these pics soon!

Tomorrow nite, I'm giving a testimony at FiCB (our Berkeley college fellowship). Really, it's because my recent years of spiritual journey have fit to a tee the lesson they're learning from Tim Keller's bible study this week. That of "elder brother lostness". Of being lost not in the form of 'overt' rebellion to God via disobedience, but covert rebellion in the form of self-righteous obedience. It's been good to reflect on all that God's brought me through (and still is, really).

If you read this before tomorrow nite, please pray for me.
If you want to come, it's at 7pm, 100 GPB
If you read this after, please pray it was worthwhile for the listeners and testified of God's love for us...and for the poor souls who are gonna have to have this exposed to them, too! muahaha! =)

Oh, I guess I shouldn't laugh at that, ay? Just trying to keep it light.
Let's see how it goes!

Jon Gruden would say "Just testify, baby"

another random bit before I go down to LA again (this time for Sung's bachelor party - we're going fishing off the coast of Mexico!)

Charles & Jiyeon's wedding last weekend was really nice! Good to see them so happy and to catch up with old friends. Seems like every other guy there was a doctor!

I got to drive a Porsche! Hahm-bun-eh, nah bek-sah-sheep mah-eel-uh-roh dah-nee-uh-suh! Crazy,ay? =)

Tonite, after having dinner with a friend who's going to lead the new east bay small group (we're finally multiplying into a second group! Praise God! and He's even provided a leader finally!), I came home and was quite taken by the night sky.

I looked up to see a full moon. Normally, that's enough to get me gazing - but tonite, there was so much more. The clouds. A fleet of them were zooming by. A constant stream of patches, with lots of spots of clear darkness in between. Staring long enough, I could see the pattern of a rust colored ring that the moon would reflect on the 'back' of the clouds; or rather, the clouds, as they zoomed by, would show that this ring was there.

It was amazing - the size, speed, and number of clouds was breathtaking. I felt like I was watching a migration of dragons going by, and I was hiding out in the bushes; amazed to watch, but afraid to be discovered. [what's the word you'd use to say a "number" of dragons? there's herd of cattle, flock of birds, gang of people, fleet of ships...anyways, way to break the flow, ay?] Mighty creatures of God's creation, these clouds. I could've stared for hours, I think; but life, it's errands, and sleep beckoned me in.

Just now, I looked back out my window to see if they were still there, but the sky is clear now. Just the moon and the night sky, no dragons.

some random bits before I leave work for LA:

had a housewarming last weekend with old friends; made me clean up the place (went crazy! vacuumed the cobwebs off the windows, got a mirror over the fireplace, cleaned up the bathrooms! got some flowers; ate some steak) it was good to have old friends together.

Jaepil - you're comedy man. Bring some of that back with you & let's try it together. (just don't caught!) =) haha

not gonna have email access for a few days.
going down to SoCal for Charles Im & Jiyeon Yoo's wedding.
Yup, the man with the best voice in the world is getting married! (finally!) =)

should be fun to see old friends & hang out!
see you here next week!