a fitting, timely poem

Quoted in a book by Sinclair Ferguson called "Deserted by God?"

"Prayer answered by crosses" by John Newton:

I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and prayer and every grace,
Might more of his salvation know,
And seek more earnestly his face.

'Twas He who taught me thus to pray
and He, I trust, has answered prayer;
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.

I hop'd that in some favour'd hour
At once He'd answer my request
And by his love's contraining power,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart,
And bade the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea, more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggrivate my woe,
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

"Lord, why is this?" I trembling cried,
"Wilt Thou pursue They worm to death?"
"'Tis in this way," the Lord replied,
"I answer prayer for grace and faith.

"These inward trials I employ,
From self and pride to set thee free
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou mayest seek thine all in Me."

nice visit

had a nice weekend visit to the Bay Area. got to see some old friends, hit up the old places - Tani's, Zachary's, got to drop by Reno, even got a phone call from Daybear from China! (good to hear from you, bro! let me know if there's a way to send you H2!)

I got to share a testimony/words of wisdom at FiCB while I was up there. It was fun. Before they had me go up there, they played a little clip from a movie ("About Schmidt") where Jack Nicholson is writing a letter to a kid. He's like over 60 and retired and talking about how old he's getting. Then the presider said that this clip was probably how I felt as I was about to share. Good one! haha I just pray it was of some blessing to the students there. (got a few nice comments) =)

it was good to catch up with friends and be at KCPC again. with me talking so often about my own tough times & depression, I'm starting to hear about it from friends & their experiences. Ah, so taboo a subject, but so prevalent.

Anyways, had a nice, safe drive back down. The drive up & back from LA to SF is getting too easy. Not a good sign. =)

Ellice is in town so it's good to have family together!
Time for some great home cooking & turkey! Gobble Gobble.

thankful for all that God has blessed me with.

congrats!

Congratulations to Scott & Sandy Kim!

wedding was beautiful, Sandy was beautiful, Scott was a stud
slide show was funny, food was great
after party was fun - catching up w/ friends
dancing was fun, good speeches/toasts
Scott & Sandy sang a nice song by Joy Williams - the Joy of the Lord Endures - they sounded great, of course

I was actually really blessed by Scott's sharing about his life before he'd met Sandy. About his walk with God and interaction with Him. About being humbled and then lifted up - I love those stories - esp these days when I feel estranged and 'in the wilderness'. I really enjoyed how his relationship with God was so...conversational. Honest & real.

They're on their honeymoon in Cancun and then start their new life in Maryland! Woohoo! Congratulations!!

welcome!

Tobias Ryan Lee - son of Sung & Kathy Lee of the Korea Lee's of Pasadena

Born the Fourth Day of the Eleventh Month,
The Year of our Lord, Two Thousand and Four

Welcome to the world, my man! You look like a winner already!
(for pictures, see Sung & Kathy's blog - they've got some good shots there)

I got to visit them on Sunday - the word is that he finally looks more 'human' as Sung's brother Tommy had reportedly said. =) haha

It's nice - both Sung & Kathy's parents live close enough that they can drop by and help out, deliver food, and other stuff.

At times, we just sit in amazement, staring at Toby. Wondering what he's thinking, wondering what his life is going to be like, what his personality will be like, amazed at the miracle of life that God has designed & engineered. At one point, Sung & I were wondering, how can anyone go through a pregnancy and birth and NOT think there is a God?! Such amazing precision and intentionality behind everything. Amazing & beautiful.

I praise God everyone is healthy and for blessing my friends with such a wonderful package of joy. woohoo!

good news!

so my over introspection has been broken through by some wonderful news:

Sung & Kathy just had a baby boy born to them this morning!! (well,just after midnite last night) I called him last nite to see if I could drop by and he let me know that he was at the hospital! Kathy was in labor for like 20 hours or something!!

But baby and mom are both healthy and Sung sounded tired but very happy.

Yes, you heard correctly - Sung Lee; Sung, the Tani's eating, rock climbing, church rebel, africa adventuring, Disney working, Shawshank watching, still driving the same 2door Ford explorer, is a FATHER!! Woohoo!

I wish I could note his son's name, but I think I remember he & Kathy wanting to wait till he was born to see which of two names he 'looked like'. So we'll see. Hopefully I'll get to visit him on Sunday after church at their home.

I got the call from him early this afternoon and I was filled with genuine happiness and joy for my friend. It felt great to hear good news and answered prayers.

And there'll be more cause for celebration on Saturday as a dear friend, Sandy, gets married to the man of her dreams, Scott! It'll be good to see the ol' yg gang again. See you all there!!

blessing

so I drove home from bible study tonite; as I got right near home, an old praise song came on. It was my own mix cd, so I knew it was coming; but it sounded different tonite. Not literally, but the way it sat on my heart was different.

For the last several months (years, maybe?), old praise songs have often invoked memories of forced routine, tired legalism, unauthentic feelings. (like scripture points out, praising with my lips, but my heart is far; in vain I was worshipping)

But tonite, it was different. Tonite, I was reminded of good old times. It was like some old memories were redeemed. Sitting in my now parked car, I could hear the strong, strong winds outside; literally shaking my car. The kind of wind that usually indicates a coming storm.

Watching the trees shake, hearing the wind, and listening to the praise song "Draw me close", memories of retreats and worship sessions of times past came to mind. But this time, it was with fond affection that these memories were recalled. A feeling that the worship was genuine - a very key difference from the ways I've recently beheld my past.

Specifically, one of the memories that was brought up was a prayer chain we did at one of our youth retreats. Our youth pastor then, Pastor Mark Lee, had us stand in a sort of flatted out loop. Essentially the whole camp, in two lines, facing each other. He had some praise music playing and had us pray for the person in front of us. Then move over and pray for the next person. So on and so on until eventually literally, everyone had prayed for everyone else!

I tell you, there was a tremendous amount of love in that room. People hugging as they were praying for each other, crying, etc. You'd think that kids would get tired of it after awhile (maybe some did, but none of us could tell), but it was fervent the whole way through.

There was, of course, a bit of directional flow. Older people (teachers, kids) pouring out love onto younger ones. As I sat there in my car, I just absorbed the good memory. It was like my heart was feeding off of it all over again, being blessed.

Thoughts came to mind then, to appreciate and credit the staff and older kids for providing the love and energy as an example that caught fire. (we've always had *outstanding* teachers!) In my older age and perception, I see how much this sort of love is "caught" as much as, if not more than, it is "taught".

Right after this thought, came the observation that even the staff & older kids had caught this love from Jesus Christ and God the Father, thru the Holy Spirit first before bringing it there. And this was an organic thought. Not a "doctrinal", "don't glorify man" thought, but a natural observation. There was a rich, gratifying appreciation for both God and man.

Perhaps this came up cuz one of my good teacher friends, Sandy, is getting married this Saturday, and I got to catch up with two of her students, Susannie and Cheddie in recent days. I've known these two since they were in elementary school; they're juniors in college now and I care for them tremendously (along with others, of course).

Well, for whatever reason, I was blessed tonite. By the fellowship at bible study, the honesty and support; by a praise song; and fond, redeemed memories. Thank you, Jesus. Tonite was like a breath of fresh air for my parched soul.

lameness

So it was Sunday: I'm all set to go to my friends' commissioning service. All day at church, I'm telling people I can't hang out cuz I'm going to this service in the eve. Pastor Lloyd Kim, his wife, Eda and their 2 kids are moving to the Philippines. (see www.lloydandeda.com)

Early afternoon, I start heading over there and I call my friend Dave to see if he wants to hang out before the service. He finally calls me back and says "hey Allen, I'm looking at the invitation card, and it says the service was yesterday." Argh!

Not sure why I thought it was on the 31st, but it turns out it was on saturday, the 30th! Bummer. I SO wanted to be there.

haha. they say the first thing to go is your memory?....