When you're in a dark room, you don't "turn off" the darkness, you turn on the light.
-paraphrased quote from Chuck Smith

I need to stop focusing so much on my faults and looking more to Jesus who has made me acceptable to God. Really acceptable! Not just "fooling" God - as if He could be, but His love is really that gracious and flowing. The greater His love is to me, the smaller my faults and lackings appear. Oh but how often I am the man who sees his reflection in the mirror and forgets what he looks like!

Just got back from visiting an old friend in Colorado. It was really good to hang out with them and their friends there. I heard a new praise song there that really struck me. I'm sure we sing it here, but I don't remember hearing it.

Blessed Be Your Name
by Beth & Matt Redman

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow, blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness, blesssed be Your name

(chorus)
Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darknes closes in Lord, still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be blessed by Your name
Blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name

(bridge)
You give and take away, You give and take away
My heart will choose to say, "Lord blessed be Your name"


I really like this song because it's got a good balance of blessing and suffering - but 'rejoicing' either way and praising God regardless. Again, as in all songs, the melody adds so much to the words. I think I've said this before, but I feel like music adds breath and a heartbeat to the structure and substance that the words and meaning provide.

I think today I've resolved to just 'endure' (and almost enjoy) my current state of being lost and fully absorb it and let it drive me to learn about myself, man, and God. My pains give me a hunger and drive to read and learn about lost, hurting people; and instead of just looking for a way out, I think I'm gonna learn about it as well. I found some books that looked interesting on a website and I remember a voice telling me "don't buy more books - that's all you do is read", but I shouted back "so what? I'm interested in this stuff and I'm gonna go with it! Might as well learn while I have the interest and hunger to." God's word invites us to seek wisdom and how precious she is.

My son, if you receive my words,
and treasure my commands within you,
So that you incline your ear to wisdom,
And apply your heart to understanding;
Yes, if you cry out for discernment,
and lift up your voice for understanding,
If you seek her as silver,
and search for her as for hidden treasures;
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
And find the knowdelge of God
For the Lord gives wisdom;
From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
-Proverbs 2:1-6

and of course, James tells us that we can ask God for wisdom.

...and I'm definitely crying out for discernment. Lord, help me and be my shepherd. baaaaaa..... =) haha Time to redeem....me!

so there's this going on and a steady stream of close and remote friends being added to my friendster list. I may have to invest more time into that! Pictures, profiles, etc.... Some people have some pretty funny pictures out there!

Current books I'm reading:
- How People Grow
- Search for Significance

Jaepil - glad to hear you're having a good time in Sweeden!
Sandy - glad to hear you're back in a place you love
Frank & June - thanks for the weekend and your friendship

A couple of things noteworthy. One significant, the other more for just entertainment.

Small one first - we won the softball tourney!! We took out KPC who was trying for a three-peat. And then played an exciting come-from-behind game against KACSF for the finals. We even ended up in the SF Korea Times newspaper - in color & on the cover even! I'm hoping to put a picture of it up soon. (along w/ all the other pictures I'm waiting to put up...)

Other news is about the two weddings I've been to in these last two weeks.

Last last weekend I went to Donna Lee's wedding to Jasper Bui. What a wonderful story of God's provision. They both went to Berkeley, but nothing happened then; I don't know if they even knew each other. Years later, as they were both on missions trips to China, they meet out there!! The rest is history. Pretty cool story of obeying God and having Him provide.

Closer to my personal circle is Sakura Lee's wedding to John Lee. Funny, Sad, Special.

Funny because I'm good friends with Sakura up here in the Bay Area, and my sister is good friends with John down in the LA area. VKCC people (now HBC) and KCPC people all getting together - many had 'heard' of others, and now they finally got to meet. Funny, too cuz I ended up getting to sing in the wedding. Susan Choi & June Shin were singing a song & they asked me. I was apprehensive at first, but it turned out to be really fun to sing again! It was fun, too to swing dance a tiny bit w/ Sandy Chi.

Sad because Sakura's my first close female friend getting married. As such she's the first friend I'm having to 'let go of'. You know, with guys, though it's not the same, it's not that different. But for a lady friend, I can't be hanging out & having late night conversations anymore. But it made me feel better knowing that she'll be going to church w/ my sister & I think they'll end up being good friends.

Special because I got to see Sakura's inner beauty explode and flourish in wondrous glory. We've always said she's pretty and has a great smile, but this was the first time it came out unhindered and utterly feminine and *beautiful*. And John was crazy happy, too. Seeing him dance all the time was awesome. The whole day, everyone was saying either "this wedding is SO Sakura!" or "this wedding is SO John!" They played dance music for the processional!! It was cool and fitting. Amazing how perfect they are for each other. I was glad to have been a small part and I feel a deep, rich, though slightly mixed w/ a touch of loss, sense of joy for Sakura. Like a dark red. Not the bright, giddy red. Not so dark that it's gloomy, but enough that there is a richness to it. Overall, it feels good. And I'm glad to have shared in this landmark moment in my close friend's life.

A few things to note.

Played the 1st weekend of our church softball tournament this weekend. Had two today; second was a close, exciting, nail biter of a game! We lost, but it was back and forth, with like 4 lead changes (in a 5 inning game) - went down to the last out, and they eeked it out. There was a lot of pressure (especially since I was pitching), but I like it. It's almost a drug for me - the pressure & such force me to stop thinking so much (ironically). Can't wait till next week. A good friend is getting married (Donna Lee) and then we've got the second weekend of the tourney.

Came home today & took a walk out by the water. I realized again that I live far enough away from major city lights to be able to see a fair number of stars in the night sky. It's not like being out at a campsite & seeing the sky like glitter; but enough that one could probably see constellations (if I knew any). But I liked just looking up and experiencing the "natural revelation" of a creator God who put all these brilliant sentinels there. (yeah, I took that from Les Mis - but it fits so well!!!) haha

After the walk, came in & was flipping thru channels and "Legends of the Fall" was on. Sooo many deep, rich lines in that movie. Some painful, others less so. "Forever was too long, Tristan" and "I followed all the rules. Man's...God's And you (Tristan), hmph. But they all loved you more. , father,...even my own wife." Too much prodigal's no good; neither is too much older son. Gotta find a balance.