Stealing a minute to catch up abit. I'm home from work cuz we needed to get the oven fixed. The sunlight outside is beautiful - reminds me of why I bought this place to begin with as the warmth just seems to pour into every room. Can't wait to paint it and make it look even nicer!
Well, quick updates first. My end date at work has been pushed into the middle of February. My refinancing's taking a bit longer than originally expected so I need to be employed for just a bit longer. hey, one more paycheck won't hurt.
After than, I'm planning on repainting the walls in the condo, putting in some new carpet, and then redoing the countertops/sinks in the bathrooms - they're just nasty! Can't wait to be using hands & tools again.
Still haven't decided whether to sell or rent, but either way, making the place nicer will help. Right now, I'm leaning toward keeping it since I got an even better rate on the big loan than I had originally expected (3.86!!). (this means my montly mortgage pmt will be even smaller!)
Gotta get going on making travel plans. Hearing about Pruth's visit to Thailand is getting me exciting for my little trip to various countrys. Dang, I really hope I get to go - I've told so many people about my 'plans' eventhough none of it's concrete. How moated would *that* be?! To talk about this 'round the world trip, and then not go and just live with my parents. haha!
FAQ's:
"So, what are your plans, Allen?"
- work till mid-feb
- latter half of feb - renovate the condo & move my stuff to my parents' place
- march - sort out the condo - either to sell it or rent it while I stay with my hyung
- april/may/june - hopefully travel
- afterwards - move in with my parents and begin exploring other careers
"Where do you want to travel?"
- tier1: Austraila/NewZealand, Cairo, Italy, Greece, France, England
- tier2: Singapore, former Soviet States, Israel (too dangerous for now)
- drive around the states visiting friends
"What careers are you thinking about?"
- teaching & coaching at a high school
- christian counseling
- running a small business
- paramedic/EMT
- auto mechanic
(the latter two may be done on the side while I persue education for one of the 1st three)
"You must be excited! How does this all feel?"
This has been the most interesting part of the whole experience - how my soul is reacting to this change. I'm already learning much about myself. Dealing with this self-imposed change and going to Urbana have brought so much light into my darkness.
I've seen how much of a control freak I am. The uncertainty that I face is often dread of failure instead of the excitement of possibilities. And I've come to see that the difference has everthing to do with how I perceive God. When I catch myself worrying about what may (or rather may not) happen, I can see now that it's because I see God as aloof and not reliable - worrying that He's not going to come through - not for me, anyways. But when I think of the God that the bible talks about, the God of my friends and of missionaries (and of my own past!), I am reminded that HE has infinite resources and every good intention to bless me.
I've come to see how little I trust God.
Why else would I worry? If I believed in the perfect character of God and in His absolute soveriegnty and that this amazing God is FOR me and not against me, why would I be worried about anything?
He's not waiting to curse me for the sake of making me suffer. I may have to go thru trials & discipline, but that's all okay because behind it all will be a loving God; not only that, but there's every reason to hope for blessings too!! THIS is the fight of faith - to believe and to trust, to hang onto my confession of faith in a God who watches over me and neither sleeps nor slumbers.
There's more to write - about idols I'm starting to let go of. Idols of lingering hopes of impressing people, of accomplishment, of renown. The detoxing of a soul addicted to these drugs, the withdrawl and the battle to go against what feels like relief, but is in truth the path toward death. The death of living a life motivated by objects that cannot satisfy, and the death of disillusionment when i think I've attained it, only to find that it was a vapor - either never there to begin with, or something totally unsubstantial.
I see clearly now, crystal clear, how much I find my identity in other things. I understand more fully now what people have warned me in the past of - about finding my identity in youth group, in work, in who my friends are, in the hopes of missions, etc. All kinds of stuff. Taking things personally when they're not even directed at me - all because I identify with the subject being spoken of.
Yes. Yes. All bad stuff. But it's magnifying the love of God. It's light shining into darkness - at first it's nasty, but that's the first step toward getting it cleaned up. For the first time in my life, there is a genuine lowliness. A humility and a NEED for God and my savior Jesus Christ. A relationship is beginning to germinate - a genuine one, a real one, a daily walking one.
Oh yeah, I'm supposed to write about these dreams I had. That'll be next!
Well, quick updates first. My end date at work has been pushed into the middle of February. My refinancing's taking a bit longer than originally expected so I need to be employed for just a bit longer. hey, one more paycheck won't hurt.
After than, I'm planning on repainting the walls in the condo, putting in some new carpet, and then redoing the countertops/sinks in the bathrooms - they're just nasty! Can't wait to be using hands & tools again.
Still haven't decided whether to sell or rent, but either way, making the place nicer will help. Right now, I'm leaning toward keeping it since I got an even better rate on the big loan than I had originally expected (3.86!!). (this means my montly mortgage pmt will be even smaller!)
Gotta get going on making travel plans. Hearing about Pruth's visit to Thailand is getting me exciting for my little trip to various countrys. Dang, I really hope I get to go - I've told so many people about my 'plans' eventhough none of it's concrete. How moated would *that* be?! To talk about this 'round the world trip, and then not go and just live with my parents. haha!
FAQ's:
"So, what are your plans, Allen?"
- work till mid-feb
- latter half of feb - renovate the condo & move my stuff to my parents' place
- march - sort out the condo - either to sell it or rent it while I stay with my hyung
- april/may/june - hopefully travel
- afterwards - move in with my parents and begin exploring other careers
"Where do you want to travel?"
- tier1: Austraila/NewZealand, Cairo, Italy, Greece, France, England
- tier2: Singapore, former Soviet States, Israel (too dangerous for now)
- drive around the states visiting friends
"What careers are you thinking about?"
- teaching & coaching at a high school
- christian counseling
- running a small business
- paramedic/EMT
- auto mechanic
(the latter two may be done on the side while I persue education for one of the 1st three)
"You must be excited! How does this all feel?"
This has been the most interesting part of the whole experience - how my soul is reacting to this change. I'm already learning much about myself. Dealing with this self-imposed change and going to Urbana have brought so much light into my darkness.
I've seen how much of a control freak I am. The uncertainty that I face is often dread of failure instead of the excitement of possibilities. And I've come to see that the difference has everthing to do with how I perceive God. When I catch myself worrying about what may (or rather may not) happen, I can see now that it's because I see God as aloof and not reliable - worrying that He's not going to come through - not for me, anyways. But when I think of the God that the bible talks about, the God of my friends and of missionaries (and of my own past!), I am reminded that HE has infinite resources and every good intention to bless me.
I've come to see how little I trust God.
Why else would I worry? If I believed in the perfect character of God and in His absolute soveriegnty and that this amazing God is FOR me and not against me, why would I be worried about anything?
He's not waiting to curse me for the sake of making me suffer. I may have to go thru trials & discipline, but that's all okay because behind it all will be a loving God; not only that, but there's every reason to hope for blessings too!! THIS is the fight of faith - to believe and to trust, to hang onto my confession of faith in a God who watches over me and neither sleeps nor slumbers.
There's more to write - about idols I'm starting to let go of. Idols of lingering hopes of impressing people, of accomplishment, of renown. The detoxing of a soul addicted to these drugs, the withdrawl and the battle to go against what feels like relief, but is in truth the path toward death. The death of living a life motivated by objects that cannot satisfy, and the death of disillusionment when i think I've attained it, only to find that it was a vapor - either never there to begin with, or something totally unsubstantial.
I see clearly now, crystal clear, how much I find my identity in other things. I understand more fully now what people have warned me in the past of - about finding my identity in youth group, in work, in who my friends are, in the hopes of missions, etc. All kinds of stuff. Taking things personally when they're not even directed at me - all because I identify with the subject being spoken of.
Yes. Yes. All bad stuff. But it's magnifying the love of God. It's light shining into darkness - at first it's nasty, but that's the first step toward getting it cleaned up. For the first time in my life, there is a genuine lowliness. A humility and a NEED for God and my savior Jesus Christ. A relationship is beginning to germinate - a genuine one, a real one, a daily walking one.
Oh yeah, I'm supposed to write about these dreams I had. That'll be next!
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